Getting down to the nitty gritty: etiquette and social cues for the art model (part 2)

Disclaimer: in my last post, I discussed some of the more mundane things you need to know if you want to become a model. But in this post, I'm going to discuss all the things you need to know, but were afraid to ask (modeling positions, periods and erections) to fully give you an idea about what it's like being a model. So if that's causing you to blush already, you might want to skip this post.

Yup, that's right. We're gonna be talking about what some people consider to be taboo issues. But I'd be errant in my blogging if I didn't mention them. There are very, very few people you can really talk to about these sorts of things. It's probably my most NC-17 post to date, but I'm telling you the exact same thing I'd tell anyone face to face if asked.

But first, I want to cover two quick issues that piggyback the end of the last post. I'm including them here for sake of completeness. But if you want to skip these veggies and head on to dessert, I'm not one to stop you!

To accessorize or not accessorize: The bare minimum you need when modeling is a naked body and a bathrobe. There are a few more things you should consider bringing with you.

Flip flops: as a fashion statement, I abhor them in all but the most casual of circumstances. As a modeling aid, they’re invaluable. I’ve seen plenty of models walk around without footwear between breaks, and I always cringe.

I like to go barefoot too. But I’m here to tell you that you’re not getting your own green room when you model. You’re most likely going to be undressing in a restroom. A public restroom. In fact, I’ll put money on the fact that you’ll be undressing in a public (or semi-public) restroom on your next assignment. Would you walk barefoot across the bathroom in your old college or high school?

No, you wouldn’t (at least I hope you wouldn’t!). And artists probably don’t want to see dirty feet, either. Unless you’re modeling in someone’s private apartment or studio, bring a pair of cheap flip flops.

Hygiene matters: hopefully you’re reading this and groaning that you don’t need to be told this. Good! But most of your gigs are probably going to be after work, and summer's coming up. Spend a few bucks and a few minutes by freshening up while you’re getting into your robe. Comb your hair, apply some deodorant (even if you think you don’t need it) and take a baby wipe to your hands and feet. Let’s put it this way: your artists may not necessarily remember you if you’re clean. But they’re sure as hell going to remember you if you’re dirty and smell bad. I probably wouldn't apply any cologne or perfume. Maybe a quick dab on the neck if you really think there's something about it that'll put you in a good mindset when you're on the podium. But definitely don't overdo it.

Personal stuff (aka all you really wanted to know about modeling but were afraid to ask!)

Posing: A later post that I’ve got planned will give you the technical ins and outs of figure modeling. But one thing I thought I’d mention to you now is that generally, you’ll find yourself thinking about how you present yourself in a given pose strictly based upon what direction you’re facing. By that, I mean if you get into a pose facing the 2 o'clock position, you’re probably going to be only thinking about how the people in front of you and to the immediate sides see you.

While my upcoming post will tell you why you should consider how the room sees you for other reasons, I have particular cause to discuss it now. And it's to save you embarrassment. In some cases, the model podium is flush against the wall, which means there’s only 180 degrees where people can see you. But other times, you’re on a podium in the middle of the room, which means people can see you from all over the room.

For instance, let’s say you do a pose where you touch your toes. Now, if the podium’s against the wall and you’re facing 12 o’ clock, people are going to see you head-on, or at most, in profile from the side. No big deal, right?

Now imagine if you’re doing the same pose, facing the same direction, on a podium in the middle of the room. What’s the artist at your 6 o’ clock position going to see?

Yup. You didn't mean to, but you're giving someone an unfettered view of your butt and genitals.

What I’m getting at is that you should give a few seconds’ consideration when you get into a pose, and think how people are going to see it from all sides. For instance, I’ll often get into a track runner’s stance or a three-point stance like a football player might. I find it’s a great way to accentuate my leg muscles and hopefully provide the artists in the room with something interesting to draw. But I would never do it if there was someone directly behind me.

Believe me, once you start doing this regularly, you'll automatically assess how your next pose is going to be seen by everyone, even if you're making it up as you go. But if you're new to this, spend a few seconds thinking about how you'll be seen from different points in the room.

Biological concerns for women: This section won’t be as long as I’d like it to, mostly because I was initially expecting someone else to write it. If you’re a woman and you’re reading this, you might be a little nervous in booking gigs right around the time of your period. This happened to a friend of mine. I wanted to find some humorous euphemisms to explain this in a non-threatening way, but it’s honestly best delivered straight. She had a gig booked that was one day before she almost always had her period. That day came and went. So she figured it’d just come later that night or early the next day. No, it didn’t. She was a little worried, but figured it’d happen before she had to be on the podium. No, it didn’t. She told me how she was sweating bullets the entire time (I specifically remember her telling me that she’s an atheist and she actually began to pray silently while in pose). When it was time for a break, she’d dash off to the bathroom in a panic to check herself. She actually was worried people in attendance thought she was doing drugs! So after three hours of torture, she gets dressed and goes home. And proceeds to have her period.

I really hope that story didn’t sound graphic. It wasn’t my intention. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that basic bodily functions like this happen, and that in this case, you might want to have a buffer of a day or two before and after your period just to make sure you’re not in a situation like this. Let’s face it. When she accepted this gig (which was probably a month or two in advance) the last thing she (or any other woman) was going to think about was her period. But it definitely bears mentioning. A good artist friend was kind enough to let me know that most women will generally cancel if a situation like this comes up (but, as I'll discuss in another post, please give the person who booked you at least some lead time. Either that, or some women will wear a tampon and either snip the string or tuck it away.

Whatever you do, it's your call.

Biological concerns for guys: Okay, I’m not gonna lie to you. This one’s gonna be about the penis.

Surprised, huh?

Let’s get it out of the way first. If you have any issues or hangups about size, modeling nude isn’t for you. No, you don’t have to be freakishly endowed or anything (in fact, the rooms tend to run a bit on the, ahem, cold side). But if you’re even in the slightest bit worried about your penis size, don’t do this to yourself. I have no idea what’s going through anyone’s except for my own. But I think you’d have to be naive not to think that there’s at least one guy in the room who’s mentally comparing your size to his, and naive not to think that there's at least one woman in the room mentally making a comparison between your size and that of her lover.

I’m going to say it in plain English: no one gives a shit. But if you do, you won’t be comfortable. Don’t mentally torture yourself for three hours over something you shouldn’t give a second thought to.

Now, what I’m absolutely sure you’ve all been dying to know about: yes, erections can happen sometimes when you’re on the stand. But it’s not something you really want to happen. In fact, if it happens more than once or twice in a blue moon, you really ought to think about why you’re doing this. You either can’t control yourself--or worse, you don’t want to control yourself. In the case of the former, it's why I'd honestly never counsel a man under 25 to model unless they were damn sure they were able to keep things under control. In the latter case... well, unfortunately there are some male figure models out there who purposely try to get erections while on the podium.

For those people, I'd like to say this: Get out. And get over yourself. No one wants to see it. No one really needs to see it. And it’s people like you that make it tough for the rest of us (men and women) to get a first gig—because people are worried about inadvertently hiring a pervert who thinks this is Date Night. I’m not talking about someone specifically asking for a model to pose erotically. That’s different, and it’s something I’m unfamiliar with so I’m not going to comment on it. But I’ve seen enough comment boards on the Internet with people claiming they regularly sport wood for traditional art sessions and that everyone loves them. I seriously doubt it. Stop degrading the professions of both modeling and art.

On the other hand, you’d have to be blissfully ignorant to think that it can’t happen at all. I’m going to be completely honest here. I’ve gotten an erection twice. And I felt like utter shit both times. And from what I gather from other male models, they feel the same way. It’s nothing you strive for, and it shouldn’t happen (and in 99.9999999blaaaah percent of gigs, it doesn’t happen), but sometimes it does. In my case, it didn’t happen because I was thinking of anything racy or erotic. Both times it occurred the same way. I was sitting down in a particular position and the cushioning pressed against me in a certain way that, for whatever reason, caused me to get an erection.

So what should you do? Some men move their hand so it covers the offending appendage. Others call for a quick break. Me? I decided to toughen it out. I didn’t know what else to do. In the positions I was in, it might have been possible that people didn’t see anything. So I thought that if someone asked me if I needed a break, I’d agree to it, and if no one said anything, I’d roll the dice. After all, they might not choose to say anything and would just not hire me back. But if it was noticed and I was confronted over it, I’d apologize.

Well, no one ever said anything, and I was invited back both times (please, don’t read anything into that, or consider it an excuse for you to do this. I’m just being honest in what happened). And I didn’t apologize or otherwise bring it up (like I said, in the poses I was in, it was entirely possible that no one really noticed. Or perhaps the whole room noticed. I just don’t know). In any event, I can’t tell you what to do for certain, because frankly that’s something that I’m still uncertain about. I can only tell you what my experiences were.

But you should most likely be fine. The rooms run somewhat on the cool side. More importantly, modeling isn’t the easiest thing to do to pay the bills. I’ll discuss that more in my upcoming post on figure modeling, but believe me, you’ll be so sore and so jonesing to get home that it most likely won’t ever become an issue.

For instance, once there was a very attractive student in one of my classes. And she seemed a little *too* interested in me from what I was able to pick up on. Moreover, she was truthfully the type I’m often attracted to (on the shorter side, fleshy, buxom, brunette hair, high cheeks, button nose). And she gave me a few flattering compliments during the session, like that I had strong legs. I truly believe she wasn't trying to be inappropriate. She was a young college student, and she probably was most likely just trying to be nice and just didn't know any better.

And do you want to know what was going through my mind? I’ll tell you.

“That’s great! I'm really flattered! And I mean it. But you also know what? My back hurts! I can’t feel my right asscheek. Are you sure it's been 20 minutes? It really feels more like 30 minutes. I’m so sore my hair follicles hurt and I’m hungry and I’m tired and I need to go to the bathroom and I want to go HOME!”

Even if I wanted to do anything inappropriate (which I didn't--aside from my personal convictions on the matter, which you've already read about, the professor was someone who's always gone out of her way to hire me. I respect her and enjoy working for her, and I'd never even think about damaging our working relationship), I couldn't. My body was so sore and contorted that the last thing I'd be tempted to think about was sex.

For all the nudity, modeling is honestly the least erotic thing I can think of. So I wouldn’t worry about an erection too much. Stress on the body, boredom, nervousness, the fact that you're in front of complete strangers... these all set a stage that's honesty not conducive to the male libido. I’ve been asked how I avoid getting excited during a session, and while it's probably better suited for another post, it’s basically a combination of not being 19, being tired, being in physical pain, and just knowing I’m there to act like a professional. So if you're worried about this happening, don't sweat it! There's enough factors working against you in this regard that it shouldn't be an issue.

Okay! Next post: figure modeling—a how-to guide!