I'm done!

I'm done!

Stick a fork in it, close the book, cap the pen.

For it is over.

After three long years (which, at the same time, feel like only yesterday) I graduated with my Master's in International Commerce and Policy!

It couldn't have come soon enough. I was feeling a major case of burnout this semester (actually, it started up towards the end of last semester), and I was really slacking. I don't think I did any reading, save for that required for a test or term paper, since February.

Now when all my friends and colleagues went into their final year, I could never understand the fact that they essentially just shut down and stopped caring. That would never be me, super-student! I would approach the twilight of my education with the same intensity as I did the dawn.

Up until around December, that is. I just stopped caring, and half-assed my finals and one of my papers. Still got decent grades, but the rot had most definitely begun.

This semester, I think the only real work I did was studying for tests and slamming out a bunch of papers for the last two weeks. I just felt incredibly fatigued by it all... like I was ready for it to be over.

So, after uncomfortably yanking two term papers that I was exceptionally not proud of out of my ass, and showing up and taking a final I know I could have done much better in, I got my final grades. Both passing. And after a quick call to GMU juuuuuust to confirm one last time that I have enough credits, I'm a newly-minted master's recipient.

How do I feel? To be honest, I really don't care. The MA was undertaken strictly because where I live, a BA is pretty much like a high school diploma (and sadly, this is happening elsewhere too). I've never been one to believe that academic credentialling automatically confers intelligence, nor do I believe particularly that it measures a person's worth. I played the game because I had to, not because I wanted to.

Am I more well-read? I couldn't really tell you. Most knowledge gleaned left my head as soon as I regurgitated it for a test or a paper. To this day, I couldn't tell you squat about economics... I think it has to do with supply and demand and economies of scale and stuff.

When I was an undergrad, I spent the last month or two taking long walks in the buildings and around campus. I wanted to take it all in for one last time. My mood was most definitely somber, but also reflective and never melancholy. I knew even then that my life was at a crossroads, and while I had the souvenier map, the trip was over. Not so with grad school. There was no long walk around the campus (not that I would have had that far to walk... it's a satellite school away from the main campus and is undergoing major renovations. The School of Public Policy is housed in an old department store, and will be torn down soon to make way for a brand new school). Getting your BA is a rite of passage. Getting your MA is something that just needs to be gotten out of the way ASAP so your life can resume to normal. I grew really resentful of having to give up two nights of freedom a week (but let's face it, those days would probably have been spent drunk or asleep) just to jump through a bunch of hoops that society (or some other force that is unseen, intangible, yet controls your mores) thinks you should, for no reason whatsoever.

So how do I really feel? Tired. I don't feel particularly proud. Just tired. But happy too.

Happy that it's ALL OVER!!!